So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She bit a glass in half.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ladies don't puke and tell
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
