he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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