my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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