i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
