"it" just moved
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
