Is it because I queefed?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
