I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
