I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story