Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
