I faked an abortion last night.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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