sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
