Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
