Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize