It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
