i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
