my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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