I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
BRING THE BAGELS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
