I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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