Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
