he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
