You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
