I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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