I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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