cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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