im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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