My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
