i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
