If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize