he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
