hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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