i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
