i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
