ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
