I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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