A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
