I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
organizing the empties. That sober.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
