I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
