I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
be right there i have to get my cape
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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