This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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