I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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