i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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