I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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