he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
