well I can't set my house on fire every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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