Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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