I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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