Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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