hell yes lets make some ravioli
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
