How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
