I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
