remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
