why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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