I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
