no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
