YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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