did you get engaged???
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
