Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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