I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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