I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
