onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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