i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
