He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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