we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
