i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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