Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
