I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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