what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
